✎作文范文
it was sunday. our teacher mr zhu led us to a park nearby.usually we go to the park to spend our holiday. but today we went there to take part in voluntary labour.
we got there at nine o’clock. mr zhu divided us into three groups and then we began working.
the students in group one planted trees and watered flowers. the studentsin group two were busy collecting litter left by the tourist. they also cleaned the benches in the park. i was in group three. we went to the children’s playground and cleaned all the equipment there. we worked very hard.
at about eleven we finished working. we met at the gate of the park. we all felt tired but very happy.
精选读者点评
名师·深度剖析
作文类型：记叙文、活动类作文
适合年级：小学五年级、小学六年级、初中一年级
【成语使用】
【形容词】
nearby、voluntary、busy、tired、happy
【好词好句】
1. "mr zhu divided us into three groups and then we began working."
2. "the students in group two were busy collecting litter left by the tourists."
3. "we all felt tired but very happy."
【修辞手法】
排比：[“planted trees and watered flowers”“collecting litter…cleaned the benches”“cleaned all the equipment”构成动作层面的隐性并列，体现劳动内容的多样性]
【文字校对】
• "tourist"应为"tourists"
• "studentsin"应为"students in"
【写作亮点】
✓ 时间线索清晰，以“nine o’clock”“at about eleven”自然推进叙事节奏
✓ 三组劳动场景并列呈现，结构匀称，富有画面感
✓ 结尾“tired but very happy”形成情感张力，朴素而真挚
✓ 人称统一、时态规范，以一般过去时贯穿全文，符合记叙文基本要求
