
✎作文范文
i remember last friday, i told my mother to see my sister a few pen pen no bo_, so my mother took me and my sister decided to go to the stationery store to buy a person a pen. i said: ! great sister, said: good riddance!
soon we came to the stationery shop, where the owner mimi his eyes told us: ! to buy pen yeah, i said: ! ah mom said, grinning: ! that you two pick pen it.
there are many kinds of pens, a pen pen lazy patterns are simultaneously picked up me and my sister. i stared at the eyes and said: i want. sister stared said:. why you want, i want just because a pen, i told my sister who would not let anyone, finally, we have the two had a falling out stand up. mother heard the two of us had a fight, and quickly ran up, like an angry tiger, said: what noisy quarrel? i told my sister and say:. we have picked flanagan pen, they quarreled. mother said: it is not easy, so that one does not have to retake the uncle? my sister and heart wide a lot better.
after a great while, the boss told us: im sorry, only a pen. i told my sister has had a falling out.
......
mother said: hush. at this point, i feel my sister younger than me i should let a sister, i would his mother:. mom, i do not, to my sister, and i pick out something, my mother said: ok, sensible!
to the house, my mother said: you behave well today, let the sister know. sister said to me: rother, thank you to give me the pen. i felt very happy, very happy.
记得在上个礼拜五,我妈妈看我跟妹妹的钢笔盒里没有几根笔,于是,妈妈决定领我和妹妹去文具店一人买一根笔。我说:“太好了!”妹妹也说:“太好了!”
很快我们来到了文具店,那里的老板眯眯着眼睛对我们说:“来买笔呀!”我说:“嗯!”妈妈咧着嘴说:“那你们两个去挑笔吧!”
笔有许多种,有一支笔图案是懒羊羊的笔同时被我和妹妹挑中了。我瞪着眼睛说:“我要。”妹妹也瞪大眼睛说:“凭什么你要,我要。”就因为一支笔,我跟妹妹谁也不让谁,最后,我们两个吵了起来。妈妈听到我们两个吵架了,赶紧跑了过来,像一只发怒的老虎说:“吵什么吵?”我跟妹妹同时说:“我们都挑中了那根笔,就吵了起来。”妈妈说:“那还不简单,让那个叔叔再拿一根不就得了?”我和妹妹心宽好了很多。
过了很大一会儿,那个老板对我们说:“对不起,只剩一支笔了。”我跟妹妹又吵了起来。
……
妈妈说:“别吵。”这时,我感觉妹妹比我小我应该让着妹妹,我就跟妈妈说:“妈妈,我不要了,给妹妹吧,我去挑别的。”妈妈说:“行,懂事了!”
到了家,妈妈说:“你今天表现的不错,知道让着妹妹了。”妹妹也对我说:“哥哥,谢谢你把那支笔让给了我。”我心里非常高兴,也非常开心。
精选读者点评
名师·深度剖析
作文类型:记叙文、家庭生活类
【成语使用】
心宽、懂事、发怒
【形容词】
懒羊羊、眯眯、咧着、发怒、高兴、开心、简单、许多
【好词好句】
1. 妈妈听到我们两个吵架了,赶紧跑了过来,像一只发怒的老虎说:“吵什么吵?”
2. 我感觉妹妹比我小我应该让着妹妹。
3. 哥哥,谢谢你把那支笔让给了我。
【修辞手法】
比喻:妈妈赶紧跑了过来,像一只发怒的老虎说:“吵什么吵?”,以“发怒的老虎”喻母亲生气时的威严与急切,生动传神
【文字校对】
• "pen pen no bo_"应为"没有几根笔"
• "flanagan pen"应为"懒羊羊的笔"
• "im sorry"应为"对不起"
• "hush"应为"别吵"
【写作亮点】
✓ 采用中英双语对照呈现,自然融入生活化口语,富有童趣与真实感
✓ 通过重复性动作(瞪眼、争吵、再争吵)强化矛盾发展节奏,符合儿童心理逻辑
✓ 情节转折清晰,从争执到退让再到和解,体现成长瞬间的细腻捕捉
✓ 结尾情感收束温暖真挚,以“非常高兴,也非常开心”叠用强化内心满足