✎作文范文
recently we did a survey in our class in order to learn about students’ ideal jobs. here’s a report about my group members’ ideas.
mary wants to be a fashion designer because she likes beautiful clothes and is good at drawing. kate wants to be a gardener, she lives plants, and she wants to make the cities better. mike would like to be a writer. he’d like to share his wonderful stories with others. tom would like to be a cook. he’d like to cook delicious food for others. i would like to be a policeman. i want to protect the people safe.
hopefully everyone can realize their dreams in the future.
精选读者点评
名师·深度剖析
作文类型：记叙文、说明文
适合年级：初中一年级、初中二年级、初中三年级
【形容词】
beautiful、wonderful、delicious、ideal、safe
【好词好句】
1. “mary wants to be a fashion designer because she likes beautiful clothes and is good at drawing.”
2. “kate wants to be a gardener; she loves plants, and she wants to make the cities better.”
3. “hopefully everyone can realize their dreams in the future.”
【修辞手法】
排比：连续使用“she wants to…”, “he’d like to…”, “i would like to…”构成隐性排比，增强节奏感与理想表达的统一性
【文字校对】
• "lives plants"应为"loves plants"
• "protect the people safe"应为"keep the people safe"或"protect the people"
【写作亮点】
✓ 以调查报告形式组织内容，结构清晰，逻辑自然
✓ 人物理想各具个性，职业选择体现兴趣与责任意识的结合
✓ 句式富于变化，主语轮换与情态动词（would like to / wants to）交替使用，避免单调
✓ 结尾简洁有力，寄寓积极情感，升华主题