✎作文范文
hello! (sir / madam / ladies and gentleman)
my names (中文名字), and you can call me (英文名字).
im eleven years old.i study in……primary school,and im in class 5,grade 5.there e three people in my family,they e……my mother is a (职业)……my father is a (职业)……i do love my happy warm family!in addition,im sunny boy with lots of hobbies, for instance,stamp-collecting, swimming,reading, etc.but i prefer……because……and i have learned since i was……years old.soon i will graduate from primary school， and i sincerely hope that i can continue to study at this school.thanks for your attention!
精选读者点评
名师·深度剖析
作文类型：自我介绍、应用文、口语交际类
【文字校对】
• "my names"应为"my name is"
• "im"应为"i'm"
• "there e three people"应为"there are three people"
• "they e……"应为"they are……"
• "sunny boy"前缺少冠词，宜为"a sunny boy"
• "soon i will graduate"中"i"未大写，应为"i"
• "thanks for your attention!"首字母未大写，应为"thanks for your attention!"
【写作亮点】
✓ 人称与时态基本统一，体现初步的英语表达意识
✓ 家庭结构、年龄、年级、爱好等要素完整，逻辑清晰
✓ 使用"for instance""in addition""because"等连接词，增强语句连贯性
✓ 结尾表达升学愿望，情感真挚，富有生活气息