
✎作文范文
yesterday, my mother bought me a mold for making ice-lolly. i was very happy because i can made ice-lolly by myself. “do you want to make ice-lolly now?” my mother asked. “yes, i do.” i answered. so, i began to make my first ice-lolly. first, i washed the mold carefully. then, i cut a banana into small pieces, put 125 g milk into a bowl. after that, i put the pieces and some honey into the bowl, mi_ed up them together. finally, i put them into the mold and put the mold into fridge. few hours later, i took the mold out of the fridge and put it on our dining-table. three minutes later, i pulled out the ice-lolly from the mold. my mother and i ate the ice-lolly happily. “what do you think about my ice-lolly?” i asked my mother. “oh, it is very yummy!” she answered. now, i can make ice-lolly by myself. it is so nice! do you want some ice-lolly? you can make them by yourself too.
昨天,我妈妈给我买了一个模具制作冰棒。我很高兴,因为我可以自己做冰棒。 “你现在想做冰棒吗?“我妈妈问。“是的,我喜欢。”我回答。所以,我开始做我的第一个冰棒。 首先,我仔细清洗模具。然后,我把一根香蕉切成小块,把125克牛奶倒进碗里。之后,我将和一些蜂蜜放入碗中,混合在一起。最后,我把它们放入模具中,将模具放入冰箱。 几个小时后,我把模具从冰箱里,放在我们的饭桌。三分钟后,我拿出的冰棒模子。我和妈妈高兴地吃冰棒。“你觉得我的冰棒吗?”我问我的母亲。“哦,很好吃!”她答道。 现在,我可以自己做冰棒。这是太好了!你想要一些冰棒吗?你也可以让他们自己。
精选读者点评
名师·深度剖析
作文类型:记叙文、说明文
【成语使用】
【形容词】
仔细、高兴、 yummy、好吃、 nice
【好词好句】
1. “do you want to make ice-lolly now?” my mother asked.
2. first, i washed the mold carefully.
3. three minutes later, i pulled out the ice-lolly from the mold.
4. “oh, it is very yummy!” she answered.
【修辞手法】
排比:[步骤描述中“first…then…after that…finally…”构成动作顺序的节奏性铺排]
【文字校对】
• "mi_ed"应为"mixed"
• "few hours later"应为"a few hours later"
• "put it on our dining-table"应为"put it on our dining table"
• "what do you think about my ice-lolly?"应为"what do you think of my ice-lolly?"
• "it is so nice!"应为"it is so nice!"(标点正确,但语境中更自然为"it's so nice!",此处不作硬性修改)
【写作亮点】
✓ 以第一人称真实记录生活劳动过程,富有童趣与参与感
✓ 中英双语对照呈现,体现跨语言表达意识
✓ 时间线索清晰,“first…then…after that…finally…”自然勾连制作步骤
✓ 对话穿插得当,增强现场感与人物个性